Money Woes
by Eladard Kikur
Summary: The group's funds are beginning to run dry along with the number of supplies dwindling. Marth the Tactician announces the worst thing in the world; They all (including herself) have to come up with enough money to buy supplies!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: I wanted to wait until I've typed up all the chapters before posting this fic (for once). Oh well, things change. By the way, THIS IS NOT HENTAI!!!**

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Trudging along to the next town, the ragtag group that's under Maquess Pherae's son's leadership were very exhausted. Some chitchatted a little bit (an example was Sain, who was hitting on any female that had the misfortune to wander adjacent to the chatty ladies' man), some took out their fatigue on someone else (an example was Marth the tactician, who was repeatedly whacking Sain upside the head for flirting with her), while some were off in their own little world. The midday weather was unbearably muggy, evident in Nils coming close to fainting a few times and Lucius resembling a tomato. The group was pretty much in a daze, mumbling to Marth if they're there yet every once in a while. 

Erk, a temperamental anima mage, kept glaring behind him. He prayed that his nightmare was severely stricken by Mr. Heat Stroke. Perhaps then she'll be in no shape to torment him and causing him to charge at the enemy with his arms spread out, letting them get a critical hit without attempting to defend himself. Too bad that it only causing the tactician to go ballistic, nurse him back to life, then chew him out for getting himself killed for the umpteenth time. Permanent death is better than living with the sole person in the world that can cause someone to develop schizophrenia in a matter of five minutes or less due to listening to her talk at 1,987 words per minute. Sometimes, Erk would wonder if Lord Pent had a secret fetish for making his favorite student suffer from Serra.

"Err… Erky… Erkykins…," Serra whined faintly. She was right behind him, looking really sick.

"What IS it, man?!" The pink-haired cleric has left Erk alone for an ample amount of time, yet her very presence makes his blood boil. As he turned around to see what the obsessive Serra wanted, she fainted onto his shoulders from the heat. "Aw, man… MARTH! Help! Get this demon woman off of me! For the love of St. Elimine, GET HER OFF OF ME!!!"

Marth walked back to help Erk pick up Serra. Merlinus pitched his tent and the trio helped treat the sunstroke. As they sat down to rest, Guy came running to them with good news.

"Hey! Guess what I just saw!" the Sacaen swordsman cried happily.

"Like, Guy, like help us out here with her, kay Guy?" said the tactician while mimicking a male using a female's mannerism and some hand gestures. She tends to mimic people, accents, and stuff for fun (or to the annoyance of some people).

"Grrr… Quit that! I hate it when you guys (they began to snigger a bit from his name) STOP IT! When we get to the next town, which I just saw, I'm going to legally change my name to Sammie so that you would stop doing that to my name!"

"The Magical Girl… PRETTY SAMMIE!" Marth said under her breath with a different impersonation.

"You saw a town up ahead? Good! Good! Now we can all rest and relax!" cheered Merlinus.

"Yay. Then we can buy some fresh supplies and go out for a night of fun…" Erk noticed that Marth was glaring daggers at him. "Not _Sain's_ definition, milady. No, no, 'course not. Why'd I do such a thing like _that_ scoundrel? Plus Serra would try to kill me for that…" Erk began to daydream about the day when he dies and out of the tactician's reach to revive him. There, he'll be free from Serra's wrath.

"Hm? Looks like she's coming to…," said Guy. "Are we able to continue on, milady?"

"Yep! C'mon guys!" Marth got up and was soon followed by her company. It would take about a few more hours to reach the town.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: I've written this and the next chapter during school when I was bored outta my mind in my classes (cougheconomnicscough, coughdriveredcough). Can you tell? Surprisingly, I did good in those two(especially Driver Ed. Fear...).**

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About an hour later, the whole group arrived to the town. Marth the tactician found an inn for everyone to stay at. The troops decided to rest up before having a day of fun. 

"Okay, everyone! Gather 'round to get some spending money!" called Eliwood from the front desk.

It sounded like a herd of sugar high elephants as everyone ran down the stairs. Marth nearly lost her life as people trampled over her. Her secret tactician book landed on her head as she lied face down with footprints all over her back. Lucius helped Marth up and carried her downstairs.

_Whoa! No wonder why I failed Economics in school! It's painful! _Eliwood thought to himself as he stared in awe at the run over tactician. "Err… The next person who has to buy the supplies is… Marth, once she recovers," said Eliwood.

Merlinus brought out a jar that contained the funds for the troop. When he opened it, his expression turned grim. Everyone surrounded the merchant to see what the problem was.

They had NO money!

"AAAHHHH!!! But why's all the money gone?!" exclaimed Rebecca.

"Told you to save 10 percent of it for emergencies…" grumbled Nils.

"Now how are we going to get money?" asked Sain.

"Um… I guess we should all get jobs to earn money…" said the tactician after she finally came to.

"_All_ of us?!" asked Farina.

"Yes, including myself."

"Hey! I know a good way to rake in the gold!" said Erk. He wore an unusually broad grin with his serious eyes now bright and cheerful.

"Spit it out then!" growled Hector.

"We can sale off Serra as a slave and while she gets taken away doing slave work, we'll have tons of gold!" Erk was standing up, his arms out, waiting for feedback.

"…You just want to get rid of me!" cried Serra.

"It's for a good cause!" Erk retorted. Everyone glanced at him suspiciously while Marth snorted and laughed. "Look! The fact that we're broke and won't last without new supplies is more important than my sanity!"

"No selling off other troops as slaves," said Marth. "Not yet, anyway. We could do that as a last resort. That'll be if we all can't earn enough for a single healing staff."

"What kinda ways can we earn money?" asked Matthew.

"I'll try the arena once I earn enough money," said Marth.

"Milady, please refrain from such tedious tasks!" cried Sain. "I do not wish for you to damage your beauty!"

Marth took a spare bow and quiver, along with a fire book, a flux book, a light book, a thunder book, and the devil axe. As she left the inn, everyone looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Well… I tried to talk her out of it…" Sain looked at the floor and mumbled.

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**Author's Notes: No, my tactician isn't a Mary Sue that can use any weapon and defeat all enemies that come her way. She's just a wacko... which'll be her downfall.**


	3. Chapter 3

Sain and Kent found a nifty job that might pay well. They were window washers. They were hard at work, washing the windows of an inn. For some strange reason, Sain kept his focus on the work and remained untalkative instead of gawking and flirting with the females passing by. This was highly out of character for him.

"Sain? What are you up to?" Kent asked with a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"Working," he replied while keeping his gaze on the window in front of him.

"Is there a woman in there?" asked Kent.

"No, it's empty."

"I must say, I'm very proud of you for staying on task!" Kent said happily. "Why not take a break? I don't usually encourage this, but look at that beautiful woman down there!"

Sain tensed up and began to work faster. "Th-Thanks, but… uh… time is money!"

"Ok, I'm officially scared of you now," said Kent. "Just turn around and look down. I'm not jesting here. She's a real beauty!"

"Sounds like you're finally turned over a new leaf! I have done so too! You're more carefree and I'm more serious! I'm proud of you, Kent ol' buddy!" Sain still kept his back against the air and still worked.

"For crying out loud…" Kent turned Sain around and made him look down. The redhead soon regretted his action, not because of Sain's constant hitting on all the girls, but because of something he never knew about.

"HOLY ST. ELIMINE! LEMME DOWN! I'M GONNA DIE!!"

Sain immediately grabbed onto the floor and clung on for dear life. Kent did an anime sweat drop with a stunned expression on his face. Sain began to hyperventilate, so Kent lowered them down. A few minutes passed before Sain calmed down. The girl Kent spotted walked up to Sain to see if he was fine. Sain looked up at her and fainted.

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"Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls of all ages! I shall perform various magic tricks of mystery!"

Canas, Erk, and Lucius found out that magic shows are good for bringing in the money. They had various props like large boxes to make people disappear, for example. The crowd tossed them money after each trick.

"For my next trick, I shall transform this young lad into a bunny!" Canas gestured to Lucius.

Lucius stepped into the box, Canas and Erk spun it around, recited some enchantments, and then opened the box. What was once the monk was now a snow rabbit. Suddenly, several more began to hop out.

"Er… Well… Lucius always was a mathematical expert… Multiplication was his specialty!" Canas chuckled nervously. The audience laughed at the joke and tossed the group more gold.

"Say, Canas? I really miss Lucius," Erk said while pretending to sound concerned. "How can we turn him back?"

"We need to collect all the rabbits and put him back together!" answered Canas. They did just that and brought Lucius back.

"Hey! Why aren't you guys working?!" bellowed Hector.

"We are, milord. Entertaining the people _is_ work," said Lucius who had on a pair of fake rabbit ears.

"Listen here, Harry Potter, Ron Weasely, and Hermione Granger!" Hector threatened. "Quit screwing around and get working or I'll kick all of your butts! Besides, that's all fake in the first place!"

"I can demonstrate that what you are saying is false," said Canas.

"Might as well make me disappear! Go on, do it!" taunted Hector. The Ostian lord stepped into the box and closed it.

"Ok then, Mr. Killjoy. We'll make you disappear!" growled Erk.

All three magic wielders said a spell and opened the box to reveal that it's empty. The crowd applauded and tossed them money.

"It's a pity that Hector didn't believe us…" said Canas.

"Yeah… but I think you said the spell wrong," said Lucius. "Isn't it _Anna Banana_?"

"What?! But I thought that it was _Santa Ana_!" cried Erk.

"Don't you mean _Vanna Hannah_?' asked Canas. It took a couple seconds for them to realize their mistake.

Hector emerged from the water fountain that's in the middle of the town square. Turned out that the three spells caused him to land in the fountain as a Blastiose who can only sing the Old French song "_Belle Qui Tiens Ma Vie_".

That's it. Those three stooges are DEAD! the angry lord thought to himself.


End file.
